I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
~Maya Angelou

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

I am not going to write a post for today due to the results of the grand jury for the death of Breonna Taylor. Former officer Hankinson was indicted for wanton endangerment of Breonna Taylor’s neighbors, not her. There were no charges for the murder of Breonna Taylor for any of the three officers involved. As stated previously, this is how Small Acts of Racism become huge acts of racism.

I’m back BENCHES! 

Small Acts of Racism

Act 31:

#smallactsofracism

SMALL ACTS OF RACISM ACT 31: BUT, MY BFF IS BLACK!

I have gotten such positive feedback in person regarding my previous posts, that I decided to revisit this topic. Since Act 30, I have returned to work. My existence at my schools is mostly solitary, in an office, writing report…after report…after report…did I mention I write A LOT OF REPORTS? Um, sorry. I had a moment. 

Having a solitary existence in an office means that I am not often subjected to the personal indignities of racism on a daily basis. This means I can go back and revisit some of the topics I missed the first time around. Today we are going to talk about The Myth of “My Best Friend is Black, so I can’t be racist!”

As I have stated before, the way I define racism for the purposes of these posts is: Race Prejudice + Power = Racism.  Being  racist has nothing to do with who you like, who you choose to sleep with or who you choose to marry. It has to do with your ready participation in an economic, health, education and justice system that presumes the standard for participation in American Society is White, Anglo-Saxon middle-class norms or that which is considered normal. It goes from something as simple as demanding that people take turns when they talk to thin White females being considered the standard of beauty and health by which all other females are judged to carrying tiki torches across a campus screaming “Jews will not replace us!” They all have one thing in common: White middle class norms are the expectation and anyone who falls short of that is an “other.” An “other” who does not deserve equal opportunities in education, under the law or at the makeup counter. What lies in the murky depths beneath is the same: code switch or suffer the consequences, whatever those may be. Those consequences can be as benign as walking into a major retailer and not being able to find a foundation that matches your skin color to something as serious as being shot to death while watching tv and eating ice cream on your own living room couch. What belies both is the same. It is the belief that the cultures and/ or biological traits of people of color are to be overlooked sometimes leading to deadly consequences. 

Take, for instance, police brutality. When a Black man has a deadly encounter with an officer, oftentimes the first question from White people is “well what was he doing?” even if he’s been shot in the back seven times in front of his children. Forgetting that shooting someone in the back is seen as yellow-bellied cowardice in most settings. 

In addition, this overlooks several key factors in the policing of Black people, but Black men and boys in particular. First, as established in previous posts, Black men and boys are over-policed. Secondly, Black men and boys are presumed guilty. And, finally Black skin, in and of itself,  is designated a threat, if not a weapon. Therefore, a Black man or boy doesn’t have to be doing anything to get stopped, frisked, searched and accused of a crime. He can be behaving in the same as a White person, but all an officer has to say is, “I smelled a strong odor of marijuana.” Or, “he fit the description.” Or, “I was afraid for my life.” Or, “I was afraid he was going to kill me.” Most importantly, however, is police violence is the sixth leading cause of death for Black men and boys. So, if a Black man takes off running, he may just be hedging his bets between staying and being killed or running with the possibility of escape. I am not condoning running, but I can see a person’s point of view if they choose to. It is a logical, albeit dangerous choice. 

Back to my original posit: you don’t have to dislike people of color to be racist or involved in racism. Hell, Mitch McConnell is racist AF and his wife is Chinese-American. Although, he is an extreme example due to the level of power he personally wields. One doesn’t have to carry a tiki torch or be a Senator to have power. Power exists in the Small Acts of Racism engaged in on a daily basis, no matter how subtle. That is where racism lives in this country: In the great depths of the unconscious. It bubbles below the surface and presents as logical, reasonable assertions in everyday acts, thoughts and conversations. It takes no more than that to upend someone’s educational opportunities or end someone’s life.

Well, this is it. My thirtieth post on Small Acts of Racism. I am truly surprised that we made it this far. Thanks for going on this journey with me. When I started this I wanted to illustrate the small, incidental ways people of color experience racism on a daily basis. I made a list, 30 days ago, of things that stood out to me over the course of a lifetime, but as I stated repeatedly, I rarely got to my list. That is because literally on a daily basis, unless I stated otherwise, I experienced some level of racism. 

These posts could have gone by a number of names, such as, Subtle Acts of Racism, Everyday Racism, Daily Acts of Racism, etc. I chose Small because we are encouraged to engage in Small Acts of Kindness on a daily basis, but in my experience, I am far more likely to be struck by an incidental act of racism before someone goes out of their way to be kind to me. 

Furthermore, I wanted to illustrate how Small Acts of Racism, lead to HUGE Acts of Racism. The underlying attitudes and opinions of even the most well meaning people undergird the policies and procedures that have real effects in the lives of people of color. From overrepresentation in special education to disproportionate populations in prison to 911 calls on people of color for living their best lives to police violence to border policies to gerrymandering to kids in cages. I hope people understand this is how we get from A to Z.

Not too long ago, I saw the son  of a grand wizard of the KKK on CNN talk about how white supremacy/nationalism purposefully became mainstream. His name is Derek Black and a book called “Rising Out of Hate” was written about his experiences. The PR department of the KKK basically started to back mildly racist policies that people could agree with without the label of racist being tagged to them. So, they introduced concepts such as Black on Black crime, even though they knew most crime victims are of the same race as the perpetrator. All you have to do is watch Dateline to figure that out. They used words that made racist concepts palatable. They knew what they were doing. The American public did not. They started talking about, not oppressing minorities, but advocating for the survival of the White race. People bought into the concept. This is how you get to the Isolationist/Nationalist/anti-immigration policies of today. Small Acts of Racism undergird these policies and belief systems. 

There was a lot I didn’t get to, such as: Are all White people racist? Can Black people be racist? Christianity and racism. Why are Black people mad they were enslaved when they were first enslaved by their own people? It’s the choices people make, not racism that predicts their outcomes. Are racist jokes funny? Is it okay to laugh or is there a danger to them? I could go on and on, but we are out of time. 

I think I am going to turn this into a blog post or a small book (you know because we are talking about small acts). I will let you know and at very least alert you if I write on the subject again. 

If you have questions, inbox me. 

Peace and Hair Grease!

*I lied….I’ll be back tomorrow! Racism didn’t let up in me, so there are many more posts to be had by all! Naw! We ain’t done!

Well, the bliss form yesterday’s racism free today was ended fairly quickly today. It happened by 10:00 a.m. Why though?

I stepped out early to get my cup of joe at my local UDF. That went smoothly as planned. Then, I stopped at Aldi’s to buy dog and cat food for my pets. I bought more than planned and decided to pay with my debit card. Even though I didn’t buy a lot, I had to wait patiently behind a white mother and her daughter as they purchased 144.00 worth of items which at Aldi’s is a MASS AMOUNT OF FOOD. Typically, it is custom to allow a person with fewer items to go before you, if their purchase will be complete before unloading your items. It’s just considered polite. She chose not to let me go ahead which I respected because her child was BUSY! Their purchase, paid for with her debit card, went smoothly. 

I followed up with my small purchase and as I went to go pay with my my card, the cashier asked me loudly and abruptly, “Is that an EBT card?” For those who don’t know, an EBT card has taken the place of food stamps from days of yore. I was taken aback, but said nothing because the young White guy was new. I had never been asked that question before at that store which I frequent often. Several times a week, at least. I assume he will be trained well and he will not ask such a question again. I lingered longer than necessary to determine if he would ask the White woman behind me the same question. He did not. 

Today we will talk about The Myth of the Black Welfare Queen. The GOP of the 80’s and 90’s propagated this image in hopes of cutting funding for the “welfare state.” The Blavk welfare queen was thought to have a lot of kids by a lot of different men (5? 10? Who knows?)  who was too lazy to work and was abusing the welfare system meant to help truly needy people (read: truly needy White people). The electorate bought into the this notion and supported budget cuts to welfare programs. This lead to the rise of welfare to work programs (which I don’t necessarily disagree with). 

However, according  to analysis from 2018, the average welfare family is White with 1.9 children. White recipients of Temporary Assistance for Needy Families make up 75 to 85% of all recipients while Black families make up about 13% of recipients. African-Americans make up about 13 to 14% of the total US population, thus this number should be expected with all things equal. 

When White people, in particular, buy into the notion of The Myth of the Black Welfare Queen, poor White people, bite off their noses to spite their faces. This is what I call one of the “tricks of Racism.” If I am part of the 1%, I can convince the White electorate to support cuts to the “welfare state,” because I have convinced them the recipients of welfare are Black or undocumented immigrants. I can also convince you that Brown people shouldn’t be allowed to stay in the country if they access any welfare programs. Problem is undocumented people can’t access the “welfare state “ because they don’t have the documents needed to sign up for TANF. Secondly, the people who are most likely to access the needed funds are poor White people. Cuts to the programs disproportionately affect this subgroup of America. Unfortunately, they have been tricked into supporting cuts that directly affect them and the well being of their children. 

Honestly, that’s all I have to say about that. Maybe this is the post that should have been called “check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

I actually had a difficult time deciding what to write about today. I think I had a racism free day! I went to work, I did my job, I picked up my kids and I came home. A good day was had by all. 

This gives me the opportunity to address one of the subjects I had on my list at the beginning of this trek. I am going to return to the topic of Black imagery in the media and how it can reinforce negative stereotypes. 

When I posted about the Black doll intended for a child’s frustration release, a white woman said that “it’s nothing but a Black doll it doesn’t mean anything.” Her husband followed up with, “Haven’t you ever heard of being in the Black” and a history lesson about “The Real McCoy” as if I didn’t already know it. 

I responded with, “that isn’t how your brain works.” Your brain takes in information, associates past images, concepts and information and applies it to new situations and settings. It’s called generalization. When “Black imagery” has been associated with negative information, it is generalized to new settings, people and concepts. 

Although, I love a good situation comedy, I started to notice in the mid to late 90’s to 2000’s Black women were no longer being introduced as maids and slaves, but love interests. While the image of a successful Black woman seemed to reach its peak with Claire Huxtable and Aunt Helen, the tide never seemed to turn in predominantly white comedies. Whenever a Black female character was introduced, she was a white man’s girlfriend or sex partner, not their boss or intellectual equal. I think I boycotted both Boy Meets World and Friends for this very reason. To me this reinforced the negative image of Black women as overly sexualized, promiscuous and sexually irresponsible; as opposed to, reliable mates and worthy of marriage, children and fidelity. 

Further, this was often a painful image, as during slavery Black women were often forced into sexual servitude to white male masters. While a white woman mixing with a Black man was considered taboo, a white man was entitled to  a Black woman’s body without question. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Barry Allen and Iris West-Allen (that was a Flash reference for the rest of you) and their partnership. Candice Patton’s Iris holds her own with the same drive and passion for her work as Barry does. They complement each other. However, I know the images on Scandal were often hard for some Black people to watch as Olivia took up with not one, but two white men. At the same time, giving credit where credit is due, Kerry Washington’s Olivia Pope was also presented as a woman with a keen intellect and fierce protective streak with several white employees who admired her greatly. On the other hand she did wear “the white hat.” The contradiction always bothered me a bit. 

One might say, “but Scandal was written by Shonda Rimes,” the undisputed queen of ABC drama. No doubt, but also as I have stated before, no one escapes the vestiges of a racist society. In fact, the first stage of developing a racial identity is initially identifying with  the majority race and its culture as superior to your own because that’s what you have also been taught in every aspect of society. I am not saying this is true of Shonda Rimes. I do not know her. However, hopefully, as people of color grow into their identity, they recognize the worthiness of their own cultural norms and seek to celebrate them in equal measure. 

At this time I would like to point out the hypocrisy of the white woman who said, “it’s just a doll!” 

Dear white women: You cannot have it both ways. You cannot on the one hand demand that white girls and women have positive representation in the media, so that they can see themselves and then deny others the same right to positive imagery. You cannot celebrate Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel getting their own movies, but disregard the negative imagery of Black women as slaves, maids and sex partners. You cannot celebrate white First Ladies as “classy” because you want your girls to see who they can become, but call the first African-American First Lady everything but a child of God and deny our daughters the same. If negative body imagery affects your children, it affects ours. If you wouldn’t want a white female doll getting its ass kicked for frustration release because it may inadvertently reinforce domestic violence, you should feel the same outrage at a Black doll getting its ass kicked. IJS

I shared with an African-American colleague about my Small Acts of Racism posts and announced “I am trying to have a racism free day! He chuckled and said, “Have you had lunch, yet?” 

Me: “No!”

Him: “Give it time!” He had a Cheshire grin plastered across his face. 

He wanted me to call today’s post, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself!” And, continued to talk about his own experiences with mistaken identity. I thought it fit with previous posts and decided against it. 

So, today I am going to talk about assimilation because I read an article over lunch about the Kashmiri crisis.  I am not going to go into the detail about the crisis because I do not know enough. However, the writer suggested that India was engaging in a policy of assimilation against an unruly dependent region. Currently, the Indian controlled Kashmiri region has been cut off from the Internet and all telephone and cell service. 

During one of my previous back-and-forths on a friend’s page in reference to the “send her back chants,” one of his followers said, “I don’t care if people come from other countries, but they need to assimilate and learn the language.” 

Assimilation is defined as “the process of adapting or adjusting to the culture of a group or nation, or the state of being so adapted.” Unfortunately, for past generations of immigrants to this country that has typically meant a loss of the cultural norms, language and customs of their home countries. For many, this distanced them and their resulting American offspring from their extended family who may have remained in their home country. 

My response to this person was to explain why the demand for assimilation of people coming from countries south of the border is a racist notion by using a science fiction reference. They didn’t appreciate that; however, sometimes I find not using hot button words like racist and racism to explain the concepts is more hospitable to someone hearing the message. Therefore, tonight’s topic: When did America become The Borg? 

For those of you who don’t know The Borg is a repetitive enemy in the Star Trek franchise beginning with Star Trek: The Next Generation. The Borg is best described as an Artificial Intelligence Collective that partially runs off of organic intelligence including humans. The Borg goes about multiple galaxies attacking innocent planets, space ships and anything else it can find simply because it thinks it has the right to because it thinks it’s way is the right way and everyone should just fall in line. It believes space is it’s domain and anyone entering it has opened themselves to become part of The Borg. Once a part of The Borg, organic creatures got a part machine “upgrade.” This was called assimilation and the “improved” creatures were given names like Six of Nine to indicate they were no longer part of their original organic line, but something altogether new. Altogether better.

The Collective is an oft-repeated plot line in Science Fiction and Fantasy. It’s like The Green in Killjoys, The Kree in the MCU franchises and like Voldemort and his Death Eaters in Harry Potter. But, what everyone can agree on in these fictional worlds is assimilation and colonization is a bad thing. It is the enemy. These fictional story lines are meant as a commentary on life. Otherwise, people would not relate to them. 

The Borg storyline gave birth to  sayings such as, “You will be assimilated” and “resistance is futile.” The Borg made simple demands with the expectation that they be followed, such as, “We are The Borg. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded.” And, “We are The Borg. Existence as you know it is over.” Of course The Enterprise was like “Um…why would we do that? You got me all kinds of f$&ked up! Set photon torpedoes to murderous rampage!” because they felt like they had the right to go wherever they wanted without having to be assimilated into anything. They just wanted to explore where no human has gone before. Sound familiar?

If you were slow to catch the analogy, America is not The Borg. In fact, it is a nation welcoming to the “tired,  poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free” including the “wretched refuse of teeming shores.” The poem on the Statue of Liberty goes on to say, “Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door.” At no point does it say, come in legally, learn the language and leave the best parts of where you come from behind. 

The Constitution says that this is a land for the people by the people. That includes people who live on this land, citizens and non-citizens alike. Yes, the constitution protects everybody, not just those with legal status. If this country can tolerate Boston being Irish and the Little Italy’s all over this country, then I am sure we can tolerate brown people from south of the border. 

So, when did America become The Borg? It didn’t. 

They even had Jean-Luc Picard f$&ked up!

Sometimes I feel the need to write about an experience I had right away because it is prescient. In most instances, something happens and it is very easy to write about it because all parties can remain anonymous. However, I am back at work now and I don’t want anyone upset or think I am throwing shade. You know, even when I am throwing shade. However, this happened last year, so the offending party may have forgotten and more likely than not, will never read this. 

Tonight I want to go a little further into my definition of racism and how it manifests itself in everyday life. As I stated yesterday, no one escapes the vestiges of a racist society. However, you can’t hide it away, act as though it doesn’t exist or declare it gone for your own comfort. 

As I have stated repeatedly, race prejudice + POWER = Racism. Most people use the dictionary definition of racism which I consider the definition of race prejudice. Prejudice is defined as “unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, especially of a hostile nature, regarding an ethnic, racial, social, or religious group.” EVERYBODY has prejudices. However, not everyone has the POWER to act upon those prejudices. 

I further define racism as manifesting either in overt or covert behavior. Most people recognize racism in its overt form, such as White people with tiki torches screaming outdated racial epithets. However, I believe 90% to 95%  of Racism presents itself in covert behaviors which these days people call microaggressions. Small Acts of Racism mostly come in the form of covert racist behaviors that people don’t recognize. They don’t recognize it because it is built into the fabric of this nation. 

I go further to say racism comes in the form of committing a racist act or omitting behavior. Omitting behavior is when you see or know racism is happening, but you do nothing to stop it and/or  behave in ways that inadvertently or advertently support it. Most overt racism is accompanied by an act of commission, e.g. walking on a college campus with tiki torches. Most covert racism is accompanied by an act of omission, such as NOT telling someone to wait behind the sign to ensure privacy of medical information. Given that said, there are several permutations and combinations of racism. 

So, what happened today? A white woman was in a presentation and stated that children in the suburbs (read:predominantly White) have intrinsic motivation to do well academically because of the involvement of their parents and being taught the value of learning. She said her students, in an “inner city environment” (read: predominantly Black) don’t have intrinsic motivation to do well in school. Their motivation is 💯 extrinsic. 

There is so much to unpack here. This is an act of covert racism by committing a verbal act of racism that takes shape in her classroom through her behavior towards and expectations of her students. She is basically saying, without saying it, that her students’ parents don’t care enough about their kids to teach them the value of learning. Further, the only way she can get them to learn is to bribe them to do so or create such a bond with them, that they’ll work hard for her. She is also culturally valuing intrinsic motivation over extrinsic motivation, but I know very few people who work, especially with other people’s children, for free. A paycheck every two weeks is an incredible extrinsic motivator, but you don’t hear anybody talking about that. 

(Tutorial: extrinsic means external, environmental or outside motivators while intrinsic means inside a person, how one feels internally about accomplishments and failures.) 

You will find that everyone, regardless of race, has a wide variety and mixture of character traits within a particular culture, race, socio-economic status, ethnicity, etc. There is absolutely no scientific evidence that supports the idea that all children who come from a particular background lack intrinsic motivation. In every subgroup in society, you will find a full range of intelligence levels, motivation preferences, family configurations, creativity, academic abilities, etc. What research does show, however, is if you go into a setting with a fixed idea about your audience, you will get what you give, especially when it comes to children. If you value intrinsic motivation and model it for your students, they will learn to value it, too. But, for the record, extrinsic motivation ain’t bad either. I don’t work for free. Do you?

So much happened by 1:30 p.m. today, I had a hard time choosing what to write about. So, I decided to be bold after talking to my co-worker over lunch. She asked a question quite of few people have asked me in some different chats over the last couple of weeks. So, strap in kids, today we are going to talk about COLORISM! Oooh I’m about to piss some people off! Don’t flood my inbox!

I keep being asked (really it’s more like an accusation), “why are Black people racist against each other?” This answer first requires that I once again define racism as I discuss it in my posts. Racism is race prejudice PLUS power = racism. The power is the operative word here. The dictionary definition (which I do not subscribe to) of racism is:

1. a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human racial groups determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.

2. a policy, system of government, etc., based upon or fostering such a doctrine; discrimination.

3. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

The problem with this definition is, it doesn’t recognize the power differential between the oppressed and the oppressor. Although the first definition does seem to touch on it with this part: “involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.” If I were writing the definition I would talk about how the domination is not overt now, but covert and is mostly perpetrated by omission as opposed to commission, and affects the lives of the oppressed. By that I am referring to educational, health care, governmental policy, etc. outcomes. However,  when White people define racism, it almost always absolve them of any guilt. 

The definition of colorism is intra-race prejudice based on the skin tone of individuals within the SAME race. In the black community, for a very long time (I don’t experience it  as much as I have in the past), light skinned people were considered superior to darker skinned individuals like myself. The reason why is dark and ugly and has it’s vestiges in slavery. Why? Let’s go deep. 

Light skinned slaves were more often than not the result of slave masters raping their female slaves. This resulted in light skinned biracial children. Children who were fathered by slave owners were still slaves, but they often “enjoyed” (I don’t know how one enjoys slavery) the privileges of being the slave master’s child/ren. Some of those privileges included learning to read, working in the big house and better slave quarters. Some even enjoyed having darker skinned slaves at their disposal. In addition, many of those slaves gained their freedom and that of their offspring in the wills of their biological fathers. Many of these families are what are considered “old money” and “Black aristocracy.” They copied White culture by having societies and balls, so that their children could meet each other, marry and continue to “lighten up the race.” 

As one can imagine, this lead to a feeling of superiority on the part of light skinned people while reinforcing the inferiority of dark skinned people. Light skinned people were seen as more intelligent and capable than their darker skinned counterparts. 

Everyone absorbs the vestiges of racism in a racist society. You can’t help it. White people, White women in particular, then and now, are the standard of beauty in this country. That is changing, but a law still needed to be passed to prevent discrimination against natural hair. That means that standard of beauty is what people absorb and judge others by. For a very long time, Hollywood only hired light skinned bBlack people to play roles if Black people were to be represented at all. When that did begin to change, however, light skinned people played more coveted roles than dark skinned people. Dark skinned people were often stuck in roles as maids or slaves. I mean it wasn’t too long ago that “Oscars So White” trended on Twitter. 

Given all this said, it is not unusual to hear Black people make fun of each other, very light skinned people have been called “light bright and damn near white.” Or, for any of a number of slurs for being “too dark” can be hurled at me in the middle of the summer. We tan just like everybody else. When my sons act arrogant in any way, they’ll say to each other “oh you on that light-skinned shit.” This is a somewhat non confrontational means of saying, you’re acting uppity and like you’re better than everyone else. I don’t know, though, cuz I ain’t light skinned! 

Let’s get to the power issue. Do light skinned black people have enough power in this country to be racist against darker Black people or vice versa? I know there used to be “paper bag parties” where if your skin was darker than a paper bag, you couldn’t get in. I remember my father being hurt by that and talking about it often because he was NOT NEVER NOT EVER getting in. So, I guess that is powerful, but does it affect outcomes? It could if resources are taken out of a community, instead of put back in. However, I do not see that happening. 

The flip side to that is, what did light skinned people who chose to lighten up the race lose when they decided it was better to pass? I read an article about that and it was stated that they lost 1/2 of their family to pass. Is this privilege worth it? 🧬

Today was the kickoff for the start of the school year for the teachers in the district I work in. It was an exciting morning with lots of acknowledgements of teachers as superheroes. Because they are! I don’t know of too many humans who can spend all day with someone else’s children and not be 🦇 💩 crazy by the end of the day! I mean I know I couldn’t sit in a room with 18-22 kids day in and day out and maintain my sanity! 

I am the youngest of six kids and my next closest sibling is my brother, Claude. As you can imagine, we lived in very close contact with six kids and my parents, so we were all close whether we liked it or not! Claude and I spent almost all of our time together when we were very young and I can remember traipsing up the street with him to ask our neighbors if they could come out and play. I remember my brother as the smartest, kindest kid I knew growing up. I wanted to be where he was and I wanted to do what he was doing. So much so that I named my oldest son after him because I hoped he would be as smart, as kind and as adventurous as his uncle. 

From Kindergarten through 12th grade I attended Catholic schools. My brother was so smart, even with the academic rigor of a Catholic education, that he was skipped a grade ahead. As opposed to being two grades ahead of me, he was three. So, imagine my surprise when my brother began to routinely get in trouble. I could not figure out what he could have possibly be doing to become the scourge of his class. 

Now, my educator friends will go, “he likely didn’t have the social skills needed for the next grade and that’s why he got into trouble. He just wasn’t mature enough.” If all things were equal, I would agree with you, but it not only happened to my brother, but it happened to at least one Black male per class, even if they’re White counterparts were behaving the same way or worse.

As a child, I remembered each one of those boys by name in each class because it was weird to me. I knew these kids from church, the neighborhood and extra curricular activities and they didn’t seem bad at all. They played football in the street. We had pick up basketball games. They went to the swimming pool at the park. We rode our bikes, made mud pies and walked to the store for ice pops. They played football with my brother and we all ran track. Their troubles in school baffled me. Being the youngest of six, however, I am an observer and commenter on life. I save stuff for later when my brain has had time to work things out. 

My first job in my current district was at a local Catholic school and who should I come upon? Mrs. M, one of my third grade teachers. She wanted to refer two kids to me, both of whom seemed to have significant behavior problems, one Black male student and  one White male student. The principal only allowed her to refer the Black child to me. At one point, the young Black child did something that the principal wanted to expel him for. However, the White male child’s behavior was ten times worse. My old teacher was struggling with why this was happening. Me, being young and less tactful, was like, “really, really you don’t know?” I then recounted the list of names of the Black boys who always got into trouble when I was little. When you are small, you don’t have words for what you are seeing, but as an adult I clearly said, it’s racism. The young Black student was expelled, the young White student stayed put. My teacher was beside herself and refused her contract for the next school year.

When I was unhappy with the education my son was receiving at a public school, I considered putting him into a catholic school. When I entered to ask about registration, the White female principal said to me, “Is he a behavior problem? “ I said, “No! And, you will never see my child!” I turned heel and left. I was not going to give them the opportunity to mistreat my child. 

Three of the young men’s names that I kept on my list from my childhood are dead. What is the likelihood of that happening out of such a small number of students?

I met a White woman almost two years ago who is married to a Black man. She about knocked my socks off when she said, “when I decided to date a Black man, I took every class I could find on African-American history and culture and read every book I could find.” Me: “why?” Her: “Because I wanted to learn everything I could because I didn’t want to go in trying to change him to be more like me,White. I wanted him to be him without feeling like he needed to code switch.” (I am sure I am paraphrasing.) The point is she decided to learn more to do better. 

As I looked upon the sea of teachers this morning, I noticed a predominantly White crowd. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Our district is 70% African-American. In a state where a Black male child is THREE TIMES (for a Black girl that number swells to FIVE times more likely) more likely than their White counterparts to be expelled for similar behavior or vague behavior, it is my hope that all teachers will attempt to learn about the cultural norms of the kids they are teaching and incorporate that into their daily existence, even when it is uncomfortable. It is my hope that kids will not continue to be suspended or expelled for vague behaviors or because they cannot adequately code switch. 

Since writing this post in August of 2019, COVID has hit. Classes are being held on line. Recently, a Black young man was suspended for five days from school for having a toy gun during his google class. The teacher recorded his actions, the school called the police and the young man now has a record. They did not call the boy’s parents first even though the “gun” was green and had “zombie killer” written in it. That could have ended very differently. He could have been another Tamir Rice. 

Have a good school year! 

I read an excellent article today by Zakiya Sankara-Jabar called “I Can’t Make a Teacher Love My Son.” Please check it out.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/09/08/black-student-suspended-police-toy-gun

Once again, I had my post all planned out, but have to change course…AGAIN. Can’t I go one dang-on day without a Small Act of Racism happening? I guess not. That’s why I started the post: to illustrate that racism, for a person of color, is like an uninvited guest that didn’t call first who plops down on your living room couch announces that they’re moving in and won’t get out even with an eviction notice. It ain’t for lack of trying to have a racism free day. It just doesn’t work that way, but at least today it wasn’t directed at me. Thank God! Cuz I am still good and pissed about yesterday’s encounter.

I love the Twitterverse and I began following Jameela Jamil from The Good Place several months ago. She is a body positivity advocate and takes no BS! I adore her! Ms. Jamil is a British actress of Indian (from India) and Pakistani descent. Apparently, earlier today a Twitter Troll attempted to throw her under the bus by making a Good Place reference after an actress may not have responded appropriately regarding the country of India’s policies regarding the Kashmiri region under their control. I have not been able to find the comment, most likely because Jameela Jamil HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! 

The actress the troll was attempting to drag was Priyanka Chopra-Jonas, an Indian actress with a storied Bollywood career and star of Quantico here in the states. NOT THE SAME PERSON. From what I can tell, as I am a fan of both, all they have in common is a partially shared ancestry. Priyanka Chopra measures in at a whopping 5’5” while Jameela Jamil is 5’10”. Ms. Chopra has a squarish face while Ms. Jamil has a longer rounder face. Ms. Jamil has a British accent. To me they look and sound nothing alike. They are, however, both insanely gorgeous! So, I guess they have that in common as well. 

The person who made the mistake did apologize and please note how he didn’t try to make up an excuse. 

Well, why is confusing two actresses of similar descent racist? Because it goes back to the old trope of “they all look alike.” Take for instance my son’s post about being put in handcuffs in front of my house. 

In case you have forgotten, my son came home late one evening after work and was settling in to eat when he noticed bright lights trained on the house. He went outside to investigate and was directed to put his hands up and get down on his knees. He heard, “yeah that’s him.” There were 8 police officers, at least one police dog, and 8 guns trained on him. He almost made the fatal mistake of reaching into his pocket to get his I.D., but stopped himself just in time for fear of being shot to death. They handcuffed him against one of the cars and once again, he heard, “yeah that’s him.” Problem is that wasn’t the person they were looking for. The person they were looking for is at least 5 inches shorter than my son, approximately 75 pounds lighter and dark skinned (think dark chocolate) while my son is described as light-skinned (think caramel). The only two things they had in common? The hairstyle of having dreads. When the ordeal was over and as an officer was taking off the cuffs, he said, “Black guy with dreads. You understand, right?” WHAT THE FUCK?! 

My son came back into my house, dropped to his knees and began sobbing and wailing. No one has the right to traumatize my child because they think “they all look alike.” Trust and believe, had they killed my son, HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A MARQUESS WOMAN SCORNED! I am glad for all parties that my son lived to tell the tale. 

A White co-worker attempted to tell me about an African-American man once and I was confused. I said, “okay, is he light-skinned, dark-skinned, what?” She said, “I don’t do all that light-skinned stuff.” I was offended and we did eventually talk about it. Here’s the deal: it is okay to use descriptors to describe people of color in the same way that you would describe someone as blonde with blue eyes. We don’t all look alike. Really. We don’t.