I have spent several days in an ongoing argument with a white woman on a friend’s page. The post that started it all was of a t-shirt that said:

Support the Country You Live In or Live In the Country You Support.

The same friend followed-up with a post that said, “I don’t see anything wrong with ‘if you don’t like this country, then leave.’” 

The comments spewed of racism in support of the “go back to where you came from” edict. Others said things like, if people are going to come, here they need to assimilate and learn the language; and, Omar is free to practice her religion, but I’m not going to live under Sharia law. When has Rep. Ilhan Omar ever suggested we live under Sharia law? This is another sentiment I will post about later. 

My response was:

“So much racism in such a small space.” 

After several back and forth’s with this woman’s husband, she jumped in and yes, you guessed it! She called me racist! The whole rubber/glue argument I talked about a few posts ago. However, her advice to me is what I found peculiar. So, today we are going to talk about the “We’re all part of the human race,” which is a racism-wrapped-in-a-smile sentiment. 

I often hear, “I don’t see color.” As soon as I hear it, I think “well what country are you living in and can I please come and visit?” How can you not see color when you live in a country where people of color are more likely to live in poverty, be food and housing insecure, have poorer health outcomes, lower educational attainment rates and higher unemployment rates than their white counterparts, but you don’t see color. How is that possible? Besides, how can you miss my big Black ass? 

It’s possible because the “I don’t see color” sentiment allows people to put blinders on and feel good about themselves. The flip side to the notion of Black people being too infantile to accurately describe and define their experiences is paternalistic protection. “You’re not experiencing racism, you’re living wrong. Let me help you live better.” (Read: live like me, so I can feel better.)

I kid you not this woman said to me: “ Why don’t you try living as a person instead of a person of color? I promise you, you will be happier.” So, you want me to join you and put blinders on when doing so could literally kill me or my children? How does that make sense to anyone? 

She followed up with: “See that’s the definition of a racist-one who finds racism in every aspect of their life. Enjoy your miserable existence. I’ll enjoy my happy life with my friends of the human race.” 

In one fell swoop, she determined that racism isn’t racism (race prejudice + power = racism), BUT TALKING ABOUT the racism you experience as a person of color IS RACISM. WTF?! 

In essence this woman is saying, “my discomfort with the topic of racism is more important than your experience with racism.” So, please to make me comfortable with myself and to continue my happy existence, please follow my advice and ignore your experiences, so that you can be a happier person. Leave your culture of music, food, religious service, education behind. You’ll be happier. Leave what makes you, you behind Be like me. That’s how we can be friends. 

Trust me, ignoring racism doesn’t make you happy. I think it hurts more when it affects you because you are blindsided by it when it does happen. It knocks the wind out of you. 

You don’t ask other people to leave their experiences behind to love them. If you don’t ask your White friends to leave their trauma behind to be friends, then don’t ask your non-white friends to do so. That adds to the trauma of racism. Love all of them the good, the bad and the ugly. Racism is ugly. If you are truly an ally, you will face racism with them, even if it is you who have hurt them. White people act like it’s worse to be called racist than to be racist. If you are white and you feel this way, I highly suggest you read White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo.

Needless to say, when I pressed the issue with specific examples and information, I was no longer able to see the responses. I was blocked. Oh well. I’m living my best life! I ain’t going back and forth with you….