As I stated yesterday, I held two very similar conversations with two different people regarding them being open to having a conversation if they ever said or did  something I thought was racist in nature. As I stated in Act 19, there was none of this “I don’t have a racist bone in my body,” but an acknowledgement that one’s background could have an affect on someone’s view of race related topics. 

The second person, I spoke with was my co-worker,Sally, who said, “I don’t want you to feel like I don’t think you can take care of yourself. I know you can, but  I want you to know I have your back!” So, tonight we are going to talk about the difference between, “I got your back!” and paternal protectionism. 

A few days ago, my son sent me a picture of a text meme that said something to the effect of:

Friend 1: What you doin?

Friend 2: I’m tired I think I’m gonna stay in and rest. 

Friend 1: Oh, my ex is out with his girlfriend, so I was gonna break into his house and put a dead possum on his couch.

Friend 2: I’m on my way! 

Alright fellas, before you get mad and tell me how wrong this post is and how women shouldn’t be so vindictive, I am simply using it to illustrate my point. Point being, Friend 2 had her girl’s back. She’s her ride or die! If Friend 1 had said, oh my dude is out and Friend 2 decided she was gonna go put a dead possum on the ex’s couch for her girl because the ex had hurt her girl’s feelings, she would have been engaging in paternal protectionism which I have talked about in the past. When applied to the concept of racism, it is when someone White thinks in terms of the infantile Black person trope, so the White person then needs to take care of the problem for,as opposed to with them because they perceive them as incapable of handling the situation themself. 

To give an example, a White FB friend stated on his page that the dictionary definition of racism was the only definition to be used because he was more familiar with it and felt that he had experienced racism in that way himself. When I said, “Okay, so what should we call the other thing (race prejudice + power = racism)?” One of his friend’s immediately responds with, “why do black people always want white people to do something for them or look for our approval.” I responded with “😂😂😂 I don’t…” I don’t need a white person to define racism for me or teach me how to live a better life. I am perfectly capable of doing so for myself. 

On another occasion on the same person’s page, I said that I thought the most natural allies in this country should be poor White people and people of color because policies that would benefit one, would likely benefit both groups of people. Another friend’s response was: “What you’re saying makes no sense, so let  me retype it: Black and brown people are impoverished and less fortunate than impoverished white people because impoverished white people blame black and brown people for their poverty instead of helping black and brown people get out of a situation they can’t get themselves out of…” His mistake is in thinking Black and Brown people NEED  something done FOR them. 

First and foremost that is not what I said. When one invokes the concept of allies, that means everyone is in the fight together, not one doing the fighting for the other. It benefits everyone when an -ism is fought together instead of one group denying the experiences of the other for their own gain, whether that gain is emotional or material. For poor, working class and middle class White people arguing about whether or not racism exists, the argument is a shiny object designed to prevent those groups from demanding a living wage, equality in education and better healthcare in rural areas, etc. The concept of Make America Great Again and all the rhetoric that comes with it is the emotional gain-one group feels their way is the right way and everyone else better get in line and be supportive. And, if you’re not supportive, there will be mass shootings of minorities and then, we’ll argue about our right to bear arms, video games and mental health while claiming racist rhetoric doesn’t have any affect. It is in effect a “Squirrel!” 

But, let me say this, “Bitch! I’m Beyoncé” and while yes, in the fight against -isms, everyone needs allies, sometimes you are the rest of Destiny’s Child and you simply have my back! (I got that analogy from Living with Change.) I am an ally to my LGBTQ+ 🏳️‍🌈 friends and family. I am an ally to my poor White brethren who are mistreated in the education and healthcare systems (yes, I acknowledge the irony). I am an ally to all women trying to break that glass ceiling. But, when it comes to deconstructing racism and my experiences? Bitch, I’m Beyoncé!