Month: September 2020

I know fam is reading this, “like what the hell happened?! You had a migraine and went to your niece’s birthday party! Surely nothing could have happened!” Well, damn! I am not so lucky.

On August 11th, 2019 I was just pissed to the highest levels of pisstivity and it takes a lot for experiencing Racism to make me angry. I don’t blame people for BEING racist…I blame people for STAYING racist. When you know better you do better. 

After my niece’s birthday party I was going to head to my sister’s house in Dayton. For those of you who don’t know, I am from Dayton. Born and raised, so the mass shooting in the Oregon District hurt my heart. My high school is about a half a mile  away and there was a time I was known to occasion a bar or two down there. It’s a good place to hear some live music and grab some food. Or, at least it used to be. After the bday party, I decided it would be a good time to pay my respects to those fallen and to thank the police for taking down the shooter in 30 seconds. 

I stopped and took the picture below because I wanted  to remember those taken too soon. They were mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, cousins and friends. A wise woman brought her children down to grieve and to teach them. I caught her daughter in the pic and asked if it was okay to use it. 

As I was standing there mourning for my city, an older White man walks up and stands beside me. He asked if I had gone to the front of Ned Peppers Bar, yet and I said I hadn’t. I was cemented to my spot, mortified at the loss of life that took place just 7 days ago. Then he says, “They’re trying to make this about race. It wasn’t race, it was mental health, ya know?” I stood stock still reeling from the words just spoken to me. I said, nothing, but I clenched my jaw and flexed my neck muscles. He continued to talk and at one point even tried to comfort me. But, all I could think was, “Mutha Fucka! Did I walk up on you and give you my thoughts on the availability of guns or the fact that the US has had 251 mass shootings this year and it’s only August?! Or, that the next closest developed country has had 3? Get all the way the fuck outta here with that bullshit! Now is not the time! I am in no mood!” 

The mainstream media has not reported on the following as far as I know. News One did run a story on it, but since it had not been verified, I have chosen not to write about it until now. Black Dayton sussed out very quickly that the Dayton Shooter supposedly shot his sister and her boyfriend because he wasBlack. Furthermore, it has been rumored that he targeted the bar because it has the highest percentage of Black patrons in that area. Black Dayton has also been pretty pissed that the mayor and police chief (both White)  stated early on that there was no evidence that this was a hate crime, even though the majority of those killed were African American. 

Given that said, let me share with people on my page, now is not the time to convince me that there was not a racial component to it. People are dead in my city. They are dead in a historic hangout for EVERYONE in Dayton. I didn’t go down just to grieve the loss of 6 African Americans. I went to grieve the loss of everyone who was killed. I went to grieve the loss of peace in the Oregon District. I even grieve for the family of the shooter and his sister. They lost both of their children. Another family lost two cousins. Kids lost their parents. It is fucked up no matter how you slice it. 

But, right now is not the time to talk to me about how it isn’t racial. Put yourself in our shoes. I am a Black Latina (you thought the last name Marquess was an accident?). Forgive me, if me and mine feel a little hunted right now after three shootings in a week’s time, two that targeted Latinx and one that killed a disproportionate number of Black people. What is the mother of the young child supposed to tell her daughter? Ignore what’s in front of you. Believe your leaders? 

Since that time there have been the deaths of Elijah McClain in Colorado, Breonna Taylor in Kentucky, George Floyd in Minnesota, Rayshard Brooks and Ahmad Arbery in Georgia, Jacob Blake in Wisconsin and Daniel Prude in New York. A “friend” from high school posted a meme that said, “How to Avoid Getting Shot by Police: 1. Don’t commit crime. 2. Keep hands visible. 3. Comply with commands. 4. Don’t resist arrest. 5. Fight the charge in court. Not in the streets.” I’m guessing the poster never heard this part: Innocent until proven guilty and the police investigate crime. They are NOT judge, jury nor executioner. 

Now is not the time to reassure me, now is the time to do something more than offer platitudes and excuses. If you can’t do that, then keep your distance.

A little over a year ago, I came upon this on my friend Willy’s page.

 Joe Biden in Iowa on August 8th, 2019:

“Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as White kids.”

Ummmmm

What the what?”

Uncle Joe, NOOOOOOO! Say it isn’t so! You didn’t! 

But, he did and compounded it this year with the following:

Since I wrote the original post, Biden has also stated, “If you aren’t voting for me, then you ain’t Black” to a Black radio personality. That deserves a whole separate post. 

In this current political climate, one might think that my Small Acts of Racism posts are directed toward Republicans or Conservatives. They are not. They are directed toward everyone. To those who may have experienced racism and to those who have perpetrated it. Racism knows no political party or political ideal. It is an equal opportunity to be had by all. 

Biden’s statement came as a surprise to me, not because I wouldn’t expect it, but because I already had today’s post planned and I am now shifting gears. I planned out several days worth of posts 21 days ago and have yet to get to all but two of them because racism in this country and in the lives of people of color happens every👏🏾damned👏🏾day! It is impossible to escape it. 

There is so much to unpack with Biden’s statement, but I am going to try to make it work with a subject I had previously planned, The Myth of High Test Scores. 

The FB friend’s page that I have referenced frequently in the last few days was saturated with comments I consider the backbone of racism, but one statement in particular stood out to me. It was a poster who kept claiming he had suffered from “reverse racism” because he had been told by several potential employers that he had been turned down because “although he had high test scores” he was not a veteran, disabled or he was the wrong color. They had priority over him in the hiring process. 

I touched upon this same subject during my dissertation research and during one of my classes, because a young white lady expressed that she was very upset that her father had not received the job of fire chief while a Black man had. She screamed in the middle of class “But, my Dad scored number 3 on the test!” She was extremely upset. That statement, as well as Biden’s and my still unnamed FB friend’s statement all have a fatal flaw(s) in their logic, reasoning and underlying assumptions. 

Let’s first re-examine Biden’s statement: “Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as White kids.” This statement is all kinds of f#*ked up, but let’s try to break it down. 

1. Biden assumes all poor children in school are “of color.”

2. He assumes all poor children who are of color are scoring lower on standardized tests than their white counterparts.

3. He is also assuming that these poor students of color  are scoring lower than students of higher socioeconomic means AND  poor White children (he acts as though they don’t actually exist) and is associating the outcomes with genetics. Although, he tried to walk back his statement. 

4. Finally, Biden is associating standardized tests with intelligence when in actuality, standardized tests are a measure of exposure, not intelligence. For instance, there used to be a question on a test that said, “What is a canoe?” If you lived in the inner city with no exposure to bodies of water or boating you were likely to get the question wrong. Not because you lacked intelligence, but because you lacked exposure.  Tests have a built in flaw in this way. You don’t know what you don’t know if you’ve had no experience it, whatever “it” is. 

Briefly going back to White privilege, this is the epitome of it. White privilege is the assumption that White people are smarter, more capable and more competent than their counterparts BECAUSE  they  are White (read: genetically superior=White  supremacy.)

This isn’t how tests and test scores work. Just because you had “some of the highest scores,” doesn’t mean you had THE HIGHEST SCORE. 

My student’s fundamental assumption was a Black person could not have possibly scored higher than her father even though two people had clearly scored higher than her Dad. In her mind, neither of those two people could be Black because Black people couldn’t be as smart as White people. It turned out the fire chief had scored number one on the examine. 

Secondly, that simply isn’t how test scores work. Even if you score in the 93rd percentile on a test, 6% of the people taking the test scored higher than you. And, while the 93rd percentile is incredibly high, one of the highest, in fact, it is not THE highest. Therefore, making the assumption that the person getting the job is not as qualified as you is ludicrous. It is altogether humanly possible that a person of color, a woman, a veteran or someone with a disability is more qualified than you for a job because not only did they score higher than you, but they come with a whole host of skills that you may not have because they have had to deal with adversity on top of being a damned good test taker. The thought that people of color automatically are less qualified is based in the belief system that White people are brighter than everyone else which is the fundamentally erroneous assumption of Biden’s racist statement and my student’s racist assumption. 

Now, if Biden thinks that, what do you think American educators have been exposed to? 

Racism isn’t a Republican issue. It is not a conservative issue. It is a human issue regardless of your politics. 

Now, given that said, I wouldn’t care what Joe said, when the person in office has done far more. 

For your viewing pleasure: 

Cue the excuses in 3…2…1…

As I stated yesterday, I held two very similar conversations with two different people regarding them being open to having a conversation if they ever said or did  something I thought was racist in nature. As I stated in Act 19, there was none of this “I don’t have a racist bone in my body,” but an acknowledgement that one’s background could have an affect on someone’s view of race related topics. 

The second person, I spoke with was my co-worker,Sally, who said, “I don’t want you to feel like I don’t think you can take care of yourself. I know you can, but  I want you to know I have your back!” So, tonight we are going to talk about the difference between, “I got your back!” and paternal protectionism. 

A few days ago, my son sent me a picture of a text meme that said something to the effect of:

Friend 1: What you doin?

Friend 2: I’m tired I think I’m gonna stay in and rest. 

Friend 1: Oh, my ex is out with his girlfriend, so I was gonna break into his house and put a dead possum on his couch.

Friend 2: I’m on my way! 

Alright fellas, before you get mad and tell me how wrong this post is and how women shouldn’t be so vindictive, I am simply using it to illustrate my point. Point being, Friend 2 had her girl’s back. She’s her ride or die! If Friend 1 had said, oh my dude is out and Friend 2 decided she was gonna go put a dead possum on the ex’s couch for her girl because the ex had hurt her girl’s feelings, she would have been engaging in paternal protectionism which I have talked about in the past. When applied to the concept of racism, it is when someone White thinks in terms of the infantile Black person trope, so the White person then needs to take care of the problem for,as opposed to with them because they perceive them as incapable of handling the situation themself. 

To give an example, a White FB friend stated on his page that the dictionary definition of racism was the only definition to be used because he was more familiar with it and felt that he had experienced racism in that way himself. When I said, “Okay, so what should we call the other thing (race prejudice + power = racism)?” One of his friend’s immediately responds with, “why do black people always want white people to do something for them or look for our approval.” I responded with “😂😂😂 I don’t…” I don’t need a white person to define racism for me or teach me how to live a better life. I am perfectly capable of doing so for myself. 

On another occasion on the same person’s page, I said that I thought the most natural allies in this country should be poor White people and people of color because policies that would benefit one, would likely benefit both groups of people. Another friend’s response was: “What you’re saying makes no sense, so let  me retype it: Black and brown people are impoverished and less fortunate than impoverished white people because impoverished white people blame black and brown people for their poverty instead of helping black and brown people get out of a situation they can’t get themselves out of…” His mistake is in thinking Black and Brown people NEED  something done FOR them. 

First and foremost that is not what I said. When one invokes the concept of allies, that means everyone is in the fight together, not one doing the fighting for the other. It benefits everyone when an -ism is fought together instead of one group denying the experiences of the other for their own gain, whether that gain is emotional or material. For poor, working class and middle class White people arguing about whether or not racism exists, the argument is a shiny object designed to prevent those groups from demanding a living wage, equality in education and better healthcare in rural areas, etc. The concept of Make America Great Again and all the rhetoric that comes with it is the emotional gain-one group feels their way is the right way and everyone else better get in line and be supportive. And, if you’re not supportive, there will be mass shootings of minorities and then, we’ll argue about our right to bear arms, video games and mental health while claiming racist rhetoric doesn’t have any affect. It is in effect a “Squirrel!” 

But, let me say this, “Bitch! I’m Beyoncé” and while yes, in the fight against -isms, everyone needs allies, sometimes you are the rest of Destiny’s Child and you simply have my back! (I got that analogy from Living with Change.) I am an ally to my LGBTQ+ 🏳️‍🌈 friends and family. I am an ally to my poor White brethren who are mistreated in the education and healthcare systems (yes, I acknowledge the irony). I am an ally to all women trying to break that glass ceiling. But, when it comes to deconstructing racism and my experiences? Bitch, I’m Beyoncé!

I called this post Small Acts of NOT Racism because it was a good day. It was a very good day. Did I observe racism, yes. Was it directed at me? No. Have I figured out how to address what I did see? Nope. Will I? Yes. 

I fell at work waaaayyy back in March of 2019. For about 6 months, I received  physical therapy from a gentleman who owns his own company and travels to people’s worksites to help them get back to work as soon as possible, to teach them new mechanics to do their jobs after injury and to minimize downtime. Anyone who has had PT knows you spend a lot of time just talking and getting to know the person who is torturing you in the kindest way possible. I mean, who wants someone touching you that you don’t know something about? I most certainly do not. 

I first noticed that there might be something different about him the first time he asked if he could touch my injured knee. “Is it okay if I touch your knee?” Wait! What? I have a bad back and have had a lot of physical therapy and for the love of God I cannot remember ever being asked that before someone started kneading the knots out of me (and making me spontaneously cry). I thought, “huh? That’s weird,” but I put it in my back pocket. He continues to keep me informed and asks before he physically touches me. It is his habit. 

We bonded over our sons love of baseball. We have talked frequently about their games, how they did and where they were traveling next. We also talked about Chaminade Julienne’s baseball team winning state two years in a row (yeah, boy!) and that his son’s high school team was in the same league with CJ. Lo and beholdover the summer of 2019, our son’s summer teams  played each other. (My son’s team won, of course 😉). He introduced me to his wife as “Dr. Antoinette Marquess.” SHOCKED! I didn’t even know he knew my official title as he has always called me by my first name. I was impressed that he gave me My Props! White men do not typically do that, but that’s another post all together. (Yes, Randy, I know you do, too!)

As an aside, in African American culture, for the most part, it is preferable that you call adults by their title, Mr., Mrs., Dr., etc. and their last name unless they give you PERMISSION to call them by their first name. (Unless it is an established routine of an environment that everyone is called by their first name, e.g. your same level co-workers, but that often does not extend to much older black people even if you have the same job.) If you are familiar with them, you may be given permission to call them by Mr. or Ms. and their first name. If you are fictive kin with them, you may be directed to call them, Auntie or Uncle and their first name. That’s why the meme below was so funny to black audiences of Black Panther. (And, Killmonger: ya bet not fix ya lips to call her anything else! She still ya family even if ya can’t stand her or ya cousin!) 

Back to my PT. At the baseball game, he and his wife also engaged with and talked to my daughter, who has Autism. And, when I introduced him to my son, he looked him in his eye and shook his hand. Now, mind you I note all of this because this doesn’t typically happen. 

Then, there was yesterday and my heart was filled with both hope and joy! I am not sure exactly how the conversation started, but I mentioned my Small Acts of Racism post and he immediately said, “I haven’t done anything have I? I mean, I don’t know what I don’t know and I hope you would tell me. I realize that I come from a small town that was all White.” He is a good Christian man, so I did not exclaim, “WHAT THE FUCK?!” I damn near cried! Like real tears! I don’t know if he noticed, but I was deeply moved. I assured him that he hadn’t and thought, “Oh…this is just who this man is…he treats women well, he respects me and he is conscious of who he is and how that could affect the people around him regardless of race, ethnicity or gender.” 

We talked at length and I will share more later, but he also said, “It’s hard to talk about. It’s uncomfortable to think that I may have done something, but these are conversations that need to be held, just like we are doing now.” See how he didn’t use the rubber/glue argument and try to deflect off the subject, make a joke or tell me I was being divisive for talking about my experiences. He took responsibility, admitted he may have some culpability, was willing to listen, address my concerns if there were any and was willing to do better if necessary. None of that, “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” nonsense! Mind you this happened in 2019. TWENTY NINETEEN!

And, y’all, that didn’t happen to me once that day, it happened TWICE!!! (I will talk more about that later.) And, a white woman told a cashier who bypassed me and was going to ring her out before me that I was there first! GTWEFOH! Yep! It was a good day! A very good day!

https://images.app.goo.gl/3GQc3CBnKZ7eV1Ux8

Well, it’s happened y’all! Racism is DEAD! I swear to you! It is D-E-A-D! 

You want to know why? Because Morgan Freeman said so, Jessie Lee Peterson said so on YouTube, we elected a Black president, there are two Black billionaires, White people still live in poverty and a White guy just told me so! Yep! You heard it here first, y’all! Go shout it from the MOUNTAIN TOPS! We are all now solely judged on the content of our character, our intellect and accomplishments! 

😂😂😂 

GTFOH with that BS!

While electing a Black president and having two Black billionaires is improvement (Go Oprah for checking two boxes at the intersection of Black and female!), they do not indicate that racism is dead 💀! Sorry guys! Today we will talk about The Myth of Perception. 

Perception is reality. You and your immediate surroundings are your own litmus test. For instance, I judge everyone else’s age based on how I look. If I perceive that you look older than me, I guess you are older than 50. If I perceive that you look younger than me, I guess you are younger than 50. This is inherently unfair because I got my mama’s genes 🧬 and I look younger than 50 to most people. Recently, I guessed that my PT was older than me and he was offended and I guessed a 33 year old was closer to mid 40’s. OOPS! 

The mistake people make is using themselves and their immediate surroundings as proof to verify or discredit a concept. So, if you have one very successful friend of color, then all people of color can become successful. If a Black man can become president, any Black man can become president. People don’t do any more research than what is in front of them if they can help it. You don’t have to know the brutal reality for some sectors of people in this country because you don’t have to know and you may not want to know because it is uncomfortable. 

The second concept for today’s post is disproportionality. This means that if our society was really free of racism (or any -ism), then all sectors of society would be proportionate in it’s representation. Women make up 51% of the country vs. 49% of men. If the country was free of sexism, 51% of companies would be female headed. Yes, I realize their are cultural expectations, etc. that affect this, but what I am saying is, if all things were equal women would make up 51% of all professions. However, we all know this isn’t true, so we look for ways to close the gap. I mean for real, how many people were secretly like “Hell yeah! The hacker that infiltrated Capital One was female! Get it!” IJS

When I was far more idealistic and younger in my profession, I would go into classes and look who got called on to answer questions. In math and science classes, boys were called on more frequently than girls. If you knew this about your daughter’s class, you would want to take some action. When in mixed race math and science classrooms, I took data that showed white males were called on more frequently than white females, then it went Black males, black females. In English/Language Arts, White girls were called on more often, and Black boys were called on the least. Why is this important? Because the option of participating in class is an “opportunity to learn.” It is how students both show their knowledge and get immediate feedback if they make a mistake. Why wouldn’t you be equally alarmed aboutyour child not having equitable opportunities to learn? 

Again, Small Acts of Racism lead to Huge Acts of Racism. If you were implicitly taught that you were the smartest, most important person in the room and everyone else paled in comparison, you may have a difficult time remembering everyone else’s lives matter, too. Not matter more, but simply ALSO matter as much as your own. However, if you weren’t taught that, then calling the police on Black people living their lives, makes sense. They should not be living their lives as sentioned human beings in the same atmosphere as you. 

If racism were indeed dead, then society would be representative in all sectors of it’s population. 12 to 13% of doctors, lawyers, engineers, billionaires, college graduates, etc. would be Black. They are not. Conversely, if disciplined in the same way, 12 to 13% of discipline referrals, suspensions, expulsions, jail sentences, police murders of unarmed citizens, and police brutality cases would be Black. They are not. In fact, in a 6 year period, from 1995 to 2001, the Cincinnati Poloce Department killed 13 people, all of whom were Black and male. In a a 7-year period, from 2010-2017, they killed 18 people, 13 of whom were African-American and male. The problem is the disproportionate number of Black people dying at the hands of police, especially for nonviolent offenses, such as falling asleep in a drive thru or having too many traffic tickets. These incidences should not end in death, especially when an armed 17-year old White male can walk, unscathed, by members of the same police department that shot an unarmed Black man in the back seven times. 

So, sorry kids! Just because your immediate perception tells you so, racism isn’t dead! 💀 😭We all gotta wake up and deal with this 💩 in the morning!

<SIGH> We are over halfway done…that’s something.

I am going to take a step back and talk about the definition of racism that I use when discussing the topic. Race prejudice + power = racism. Race Prejudice is the dictionary definition of racism that people keep posting that ignores the reality of people of color in this country. One might also refer to it as unconscious bias which is the new trendy terminology. Adding to the dictionary definition of racism is the concept of power which many now refer to as white privilege. White privilege is the concept that due to the color of your skin, you are automatically afforded certain advantages that you may or may not be aware of, so it is also unconscious to a degree. That does not mean that your life has not been hard. It means that your skin color hasn’t been the reason life has been hard. It means that under the same circumstances (educational, financial, health status, etc.) as people of color, your outcomes are better. I have repeatedly brought up the death rate of black mothers. Under the same circumstances as their white counterparts, black mothers are 4 x’s more likely to die in childbirth. Let me emphasize: UNDER THE EXACT SAME CIRCUMSTANCES. There are other examples in every sector of society. 

When I talk about Small Acts of Racism, I am talking about the everyday racism that shows up in a person of color’s daily experiences without invitation. I talk about Small Acts of Racism because they bubble beneath the surface before they become HUGE Acts of Racism, such as shooting up a Walmart at the Mexico-US Border, putting your knee in the neck of a Black man in custody for 8 minutes and 46 seconds, putting a hood over a man’s head as a “spit guard” leading to his death, shooting up an apartment without line of sight, calling the police on Black people for living their best lives or shooting up a busy area of nightlife. I am talking about individual level thoughts and actions that underscore racial inequality. It is what undergirds the thought processes of medical personnel while a black woman is dying during or after giving birth. It only takes one person with an unconscious set of biases and the power to ignore her. 

Up to this point, I have written about a couple of themes. I have mentioned the stereotype of the “infantile black person” and “paternal protectionism.” 

If you subscribe to the infantile black person stereotype, most likely unconsciously, you don’t trust the person to accurately describe their experiences with racism. Your responses to people who have shared an experience of racism with you, is to say something along the lines of “are you sure it was racism? You sure you’re not making a mountain out of a molehill? Maybe it was road rage or rudeness or something else.” This grows into the excuse of “It wasn’t white supremacy or rhetoric, he was mentally ill.”

If you subscribe to the infantile black person concept, you may also subscribe to the “paternalistic protection” set of behaviors, also unconsciously. This displays itself in one of two ways. In no particular order, you may engage in telling the person that what they experienced really wasn’t racism AND give unsolicited advice on how to live a better, happier life through things such as, “live a life of love,” “don’t be so divisive by talking about your experiences, you’ll be much happier” or “I don’t see color and you shouldn’t either.” Of course that is always accompanied by, “I don’t care if you’re blue, purple or green!” knowing damned good for well if The Kree or The Skrull showed up they’d be doing everything in their power to kill the blue and green people! 

The second way this shows up is the desire to protect the person of color because you don’t think, again unconsciously, that they can protect themselves from, most likely, overt racism. However, you are unlikely to engage in this same behavior when covert racism occurs because you are unlikely to recognize it or you may not believe it when a situation is told to or when you see it or you were culpable for it. Of course, because you don’t have a racist bone in your body. Remember, it only takes one.

Seriously? You wouldn’t be trying to kill this guy?

I originally wrote this post on August 4th, 2019. On that date, I was going to talk about religious iconography again, but woke up to the horrifying news that there was a mass shooting in my hometown of Dayton, Ohio in my old stomping grounds, The Oregon District. So, today we are going to talk about Thoughts and Prayers. 

As many of you know, thoughts and prayers are offered after a mass shooting. The students of Marjory Stoneman Douglas who survived the mass shooting at their school were some of the first to say, “Fuck Your Thoughts and Prayers.” However, this post has nothing to do with gun policies. This is about Small Acts of Racism. 

The El Paso shooter, Patrick Crusius, who killed twenty people in a Walmart on the same day as the Dayton Mass Shooting, stated that he was motivated by “his objection to Hispanic immigrants.” Remember Arizona Lawmaker, Sylvia Allen, who stated that if the country isn’t careful, we could be overrun by little brown babies. There were many who defended her and stated that her comments were just in opposition to open borders. GTFOH with that BS. She was using dog whistle politics by associating the color of a person’s skin with the concepts of intrusion, infestation and taking over this land from White people. She was quietly indicating that brown people aren’t Americans, too, so we must stop the invasion!

Lest us not forget, Rep. Steve King’s comment regarding returning to civilization can’t be done with “someone else’s babies.” 

Do you think those ideals weren’t running through Patrick Casius’ head when he chose to shoot up a Walmart near the border that draws customers from Mexico? 

Many well-meaning White people have fallen into the trap of supporting this ideal with comments like, “there’s a right way to come into this country” and “if you hate this country, then leave.” I can guarantee that half your ancestors didn’t come into this country “the right way,” either. So, GTFOH with your dog whistle racist thoughts and prayers.

(You can refer to my previous posts regarding subtle imagery and policing black hair and bodies.)

From what I can tell, Connor Betts killed his sister in the shooting early in the morning of August 4th, 2019, in Dayton, Ohio. However, the majority of his fatal victims were African-American. He learned everything I talked about in all the previous posts. On top of it, he appears to have lived in a predominantly white, insular environment in which dog whistle politics inform opinions about people of color. It has since been suggested that his sister, being friends with a Black man, upset him. 

It is now the summer of 2020, and while there have been no recent mass shootings, there have been at least four high profile deaths and/or of Black people at the hands of the police. Elijah McClain, who was quite possibly on the Autism spectrum, was killed on August 24th, 2019, when police answered the call of a Black man acting “sketchy.” He had his earphones on and did not immediately respond to commands. He was killed for listening to music and waving his hands.

In February of 2020, Ahmad Arbery was murdered for jogging in a predominantly White neighborhood by three White men claiming they were protecting their neighborhood. They, too, claimed Mr. Arbery looked “sketchy.” Apparently being Black, male and exercising is enough to get you killed.

Breonna Taylor was killed in her home on March 13th, 2020 just as stay-at-home orders were issued due to COVID-19. The police entered Breonna’s home using a “no knock warrant” for which they didn’t have to identify themselves. Breonna’s boyfriend, Kenneth Walker let off one round from his legally owned gun, when he thought his home was being robbed. The police let off in excess of 40 shots hitting Breonna eight times. They arrested Mr. Walker, calling him “cop killer” as they took him into custody. They already had the gentleman they were looking for in custody.

The murder of George Floyd on May 25th, 2020 set off months of civil unrest as the country deals with another reckoning on race amidst police violence primarily reserved for Black citizens. The racial disparities were highlighted and difficult to ignore as people hunkered down due to COVID-19. Mr. Floyd was killed after David Cahuvin pressed a knee in his neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds as he plead for his life all caught on video. The graphic sight of Mr. Floyd’s death was seen around the world and the world responded with, “ENOUGH!” The protests highlighted the deaths at the hands of police of Elijah McClain, Breonna Taylor and the February death of Ahmad Arbery at the hands armed vigilantes.

On June 12th, 2020, Rayshard Brooks was killed after he fell asleep in a Wendy’s drive-thru holding up traffic. Now mind you, the employees could have walked out and tapped on his window to awaken him. But, NO! In the current climate, it appeared to make more sense to call the police. SMDH. When the police arrived, they spoke to Mr. Brooks for a while before attempting to place him under arrest for a DUI. He offered to walk to his girlfriends house, but was denied. At some point a taser was discharged. Mr. Brooks ran after wrestling the discharged taser away from an officer and while running was shot in his back. Point in fact: the taser would not have fired again after being discharged. The police knew this.

On August 23rd, 2020, Jacob Blake was shot 7-times in his back after breaking up a fight between two white women. He rounded an SUV that held three of his children, when an officer tugged on his tank top and discharged his weapon 7 times into the back of a living person. Jacob Blake was shot in front of his children. Let that sink in. He will be paralyzed from the waist down most likely for the rest of his life. Peaceful protests and some rioting broke out in Kenosha, Wisconsin.

Four days later, 17-year old Kyle Rittenhouse of Antioch, Illinois drove 20 minutes to Kenosha with an AR-15 assault rifle. He had to drive around barriers to get in because Kenosha had been closed to incoming traffic. Kyle went, ostensibly, to join an armed militia to protect property, not living beings, from destruction. Early in the day, the police, of the same police department that shot Jacob Blake, thanked the White people with guns and gave them water. Again, let that sink in. The police were more afraid of an unarmed Black man than they were of a GROUP of armed White people. 🧐 Later that night, Kyle went on to kill two protestors and injure a third. Afterward, Mr. Rittenhouse walked toward the police with his arms up, with his weapon displayed, and was allowed to pass, even though the crowd was yelling that he had just shot people and needed to be arrested. He was arrested the next day, peacefully, even the the police knew he had access to weapons and the ability to accurately use them. This is Amerikkka!

It seems the police and vigilantes picked up where mass shooters left off. The FBI has concluded that white supremacists have infiltrated law enforcement around the country. What better way to feed the need to kill Black people than to do it uniform with sanction from your local government.

I have been told that I see racism in everything and that I am a miserable unhappy person. No. I am a realistic person who has said ignoring Small Acts of Racism is a life and death decision for people of color in this country. The US history of of mass shootings and police violence has been a case study in point. So, GTFOH with your thoughts and prayers!

“My hair doesn’t need to be fixed. Society’s view of beauty is what’s broken.”

~naturallycurly.com

Act 15: It is tax-free weekend here in Ohio to help parents with the cost of school supplies! Yeah! So today we are going to talk about the policing of Black hair in the school setting. 

When I was very little I thought I was going to grow up and become a White woman. I thought the reward for being a good Black child was to grow up and become a White woman with white skin and easily comb-able White people hair. Now mind you, I am the youngest of six and lived in the home with my older siblings and clearly Black adult parents. Although they were good people, I had assumed they remained Black because they must have done something secretly very bad and God had not thought to reward them with golden flaxen hair.

This is a scenario that I think all women regardless of color can relate to. Women were introduced to Twiggy in the late 60’s and the fashion industry has never quite finished with propping up emaciated bodies wearing hair extensions as the standard of beauty. Being repeatedly inundated with reruns of The Brady Bunch and the image of Carol Brady did me no favors. I even thought I would have a maid named Alice.  

Then, The Jefferson’s premiered and that changed my whole outlook on who I could and would grow up to be.  I could not immediately relate to Louise, but I could relate to Roxie Roker’s character of Helen Willis. Here was this tall, lean (I was inundated with the thin image, too), deep brown Black woman who I could see myself growing into. It was a revelation on the “Come to Jesus” level of aha moments. 

Fast forward to meeting a smart, beautiful Black child when she was about three years old. One time while I was visiting with her, she spontaneously broke into tears, sobbing and heaving. I thought, “OMG! What did I do to harm this child?” I gingerly asked, “What’s wrong?” Between deep breaths and choking on tears, she managed to eek out, “My hair is nappy!” Her hair was perfectly well combed and up in two ponytails, but somehow by age 3, she knew what was growing out of her scalp was inherently unacceptable. WTF?

Before posting this, I decided to share my thoughts on hair with my hair stylist and she added this gem from her own childhood: When she was about 4 or 5 years old, her mother bought her a dollhouse with a little black family. She told her mother, she didn’t want the Black dolls, she wanted the white ones! 😭

Back to policing Black hair in school settings. California just passed a law banning discrimination against natural hair. Why do we even need such a law on the books? Because clearly the message has also gotten to certain adults that what naturally grows out of Black people’s scalps is unkempt and inappropriate. By whose standard of beauty? 🤔We needed a law to change that? SMDH 

Below is an article that my friend shared on FB the other day. Who gets to decide appropriate and inappropriate hair styles for the school setting and why is it necessary? Instead of celebrating the creative, walking, talking math project on these children’s heads, we are telling them they don’t belong. Instead of blotting it out with permanent marker, why not ask questions like, did they do that freestyle or from a template? Let’s figure out the angles of this cut or her parts for her braids! Talk about missing a teachable moment! 

Have a great school year!

https://abcnews.go.com/US/texas-family-sues-school-claiming-staff-laughed-coloring/story?id=65055093

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/n-j-wrestler-forced-cut-dreadlocks-still-targeted-over-hair-n957116

Once again, I have had a battle raging for several days on another person’s page with a different White woman. I finally decided it was best to take the conversation to messenger because the person I was talking to brought up some family drama and I didn’t think it wise if anyone from her family saw it. I inboxed her and apologized for getting personal, but she told me not to worry about it since she mentioned it first. 

Her original supposition was that she had been the target of racism because someone in her family would not hang out with her side of the family because they were White while the person is Black. Initially, I agreed that the Black member of the family was indeed behaving in a racist manner. However, after some reflection, I asked for additional information. Based on what I learned, I thought there was some 💩 in the game because the reason given for the person staying away was completely illogical. Furthermore, her lack of hanging around their side of the family didn’t seem to impact their outcomes, e.g. health, finances, housing, education attainment, etc. Since there was no element of power (race prejudice + power = racism…power is the ability to affect the outcomes of another’s life), there was no racism. 

The Black member of her family, through her White husband, supposedly stated she didn’t want to hang out with them because she hadn’t been raised around White people. Yet, she married a White man and has biracial kids. 🧐

The more the person and I exchanged information, the more I became convinced her family had not been told the truth regarding the reasoning. Why? Because the person blindsided me with this: 

“You notice in my post I didn’t say that EVERYTHING is not about racism…some things are most definitely! If you are being honest you have to admit that alot [sic] of what is being posted and reported on these days has nothing to do with race; they just want you to believe it does without all of the facts being out there. Michael Brown in Ferguson is a perfect example…I could go on but I won’t.”

So, today we’re going to talk about The Criminalization of Black Boys and Men.

She insisted that Michael Brown had “reached for the Officer’s gun. Period.” 

She and I exchanged a few more rounds before we decided we were not ever going to agree. I left her with this thought: Let’s agree, for the sake of argument, that Michael Brown reached for the Officer’s gun. The initial call went out because the two young men were accused of stealing a .99, yes that is a 99 cent, pack of Swisher Sweets. Why did several officers go out looking for these two boys? Why wasn’t the response in proportion to the supposed crime? As far as I know, what typically happens for a misdemeanor theft call is a report is taken and the establishment is told to report if the perpetrators are there again. Not, a multi-vehicle search, as if this was an armed robbery and someone was injured. However, when it comes to Black men and boys, the response is disproportionate to the supposed offense. Had the police handled the initial complaint in a proportionate manner, there would have been no gun to attempt to grab. The first time I saw this personally was when a  7th grade student said, “Hey Bootsy!” to a young lady and was arrested out of the school in which I was working. It was her nickname. 

Listen, I dated a White man for four years and he told me that his family were extremely racist bigots. It made me wary to hang out with them, but when I did, they were the kindest people on the planet. However, I always kept what my boyfriend told me in the back of my mind and if anyone of them would have said what was said above, I would have refused to go around them. It wouldn’t have been racist on my part to protect myself from a perceived threat. I get the feeling there’s more to the story of those family dynamics.

When I originally wrote this, I had a minor medical procedure earlier in the day and had a severe headache that I couldn’t rid myself of, so I decided to write a post with a little levity. There is no particular theme. 

When I drive to Columbus, I always stop at the Loves Gas Station in Washington Courthouse to use the bathroom and buy coffee. I stop once on the way there and another on the way back. 

About 4 years ago I made the trip and was returning late at night. As I entered into the store, this young White man, in his late teens or early 20’s, walked up on me and began screaming and berating me. I do not remember his exact words, but he claimed that I did not stop at the stop sign when I came off the highway. 

Initially,  I was stunned because I could not understand why someone who I perceived as a  CHILD was screaming in my face.  It took me a minute to calm down and process what he was saying and craft a response. He seemed to be getting attention from the patrons and employees in the gas station, but no one came to my aid. He seemed to be enjoying the attention he was receiving. 

However, my powers as a psychologist can be used for good or evil. I can quickly assess a person’s motivation for their actions, reach into their soul, grab it and twist it until they feel like a very small human. Aren’t we all glad I choose to use my powers for good? 

Once I noticed he was enjoying the attention, I whipped around and moved very close to him with my face inches away from his. He was shorter than me, so I made sure to tower over him and asked one question, “Are you dead?!” He began to stutter and fumble his words, so I repeated the question, “ARE YOU DEAD?!” He responded, “Well, no.” I said, “THEN SHUT UP! You are making a big deal out of nothing trying to play the victim for attention! I did not blow through a stop sign. You were speeding, so STOP TALKING!” He turned beet red and walked away. People in the store laughed at him. 

I only felt a small pang of guilt for treating him that way. He did not know who he was up against. I had embarrassed him thoroughly and purposefully. That young man needed to learn to respect his elders. 

I made a similar trip the weekend before I wrote this post and made my usual stops. Anyone who knows me knows, I love to sing. So, as I stood in line at th same gas station 3 years later, I began singing whatever was on the radio. A young White man in his late teens or early twenties came up behind me and began to sing with me. We harmonized and battled til the song was over. The patrons and employees seemed to enjoy it. He was also doing it for the attention. When it was over he said, “We should try out for American Idol!” I said, “As a duet!” He said, “ Right! And, when we get there, we’ll just tell everybody else to leave cuz they got no chance! We’ll just tell them to go home!” We laughed, high-fived each other and paid for our goods. When we departed, we said, almost simultaneously, “It was good singing with you!” We smiled at each other and walked in opposite directions. 

Does this make up for the first boy berating me, an adult Black woman old enough to be his mama? Absolutely not. Was it fun? Damn skippy! Do I have faith in generation Z that they may some how actually find a way to live as people regardless of color? A little.