Month: September 2020

Almost 20 years ago, I gave birth to a set of premature twins. I was healthy prior to and during my pregnancy; however, giving birth to multiples is always an at-risk pregnancy. The children were due on November 5th, 1999, but I went into labor August 17th and was told fairly unceremoniously on August 24th, “this pregnancy is over.” I had an emergency C-section that night beginning at 6:30. I gave birth to Bo VP at 6:32 and James VP at 6:34 p.m. 

As I discussed last night, I have had a multi-day argument with a white woman on a friend’s page. As discussed, she suggested I “live as a person instead of a person of color.” My response, “Why when black women are 4 to 8x’s more likely to die in childbirth than their white counterparts would I do that?” Ignoring racism is a life or death decision for people of color and Black people in particular. Once again, her answer was jaw dropping. So, tonight we are going to talk about Blaming the Victim which is masked by a subtle argument of the genetic inferiority of Black people and the lack of morals of Black women. 

Her responses to me always start off with “I don’t see color…” This particular response started with that and went into “(since you are insisting that I make the distinction between Black and White), Black women give birth at a far younger age with far less health care (not for lack of coverage but a lack of education on what’s required for a healthy pregnancy), Black women are at higher risk for high blood pressure genetically, preeclampsia-again genetically… There’s also a higher number of pregnancies within the Black community than there is the White community.”

This deserves a a “BITCH, PLEASE!” before I go on.

There is so much to deconstruct here including her comments regarding education, healthcare and birth rates. Right now, I am just going to concentrate on the part of her comment that says, Black women are more likely to have high blood pressure during pregnancy preeclampsia- genetically. That may be true, but here’s the problem with that argument beside the fact that she slipped in the genetic  inferiority argument: White women get preeclampsia, too. Black women are NOT the only women to get it although, we are more likely to get it. There are protocols in place to screen EVERY pregnant woman for high blood pressure and protocols to follow for treatment regardless of race.  

Study after study shows that when Black women have the exact problems, complaints or vital signs as White women before and during pregnancy, while giving birth and immediately after, established protocols are not followed due to the unconscious bias (that’s a nice way of saying racist behaviors)  of their treating medical team. This results in a death rate four times (8x’s in New York) higher for Black women than it does for their white counterparts. In some parts of the country, this number is as high as it is in third world countries. 

Going back to giving birth twenty years ago. I had prenatal care starting approximately 2 weeks after conception, I told my doctor I was having twins (he didn’t believe me) and I went to every prenatal appointment, husband in tow. Had it not been for my ex-husband’s watchful eye, I would not be here writing this post. When I had the emergency C-section, my doctor nicked a fibroid and I began to bleed internally. Fibroids are more common in Black women and can cause a myriad of problems, being nicked is one of them. My doctor, who wasBlack, was going to close me up because there were no established protocols at that time for what to do. He could not make the executive decision to cut the fibroid out because I had not given him written consent prior to the EMERGENCY C-section. I would have likely bled internally and died. My ex insisted that they cut it out. He said, “You can’t leave that in her. She’ll die.” The doctor took that as permission and took it out. Thank God!

Right now, I am really hoping the woman I am having this discussion with is not a fetal-maternal medical personnel in any way, shape form or fashion. 

Please see the picture below for a comment a friend who has a Ph.D. in epidemiology said about her research.

I have spent several days in an ongoing argument with a white woman on a friend’s page. The post that started it all was of a t-shirt that said:

Support the Country You Live In or Live In the Country You Support.

The same friend followed-up with a post that said, “I don’t see anything wrong with ‘if you don’t like this country, then leave.’” 

The comments spewed of racism in support of the “go back to where you came from” edict. Others said things like, if people are going to come, here they need to assimilate and learn the language; and, Omar is free to practice her religion, but I’m not going to live under Sharia law. When has Rep. Ilhan Omar ever suggested we live under Sharia law? This is another sentiment I will post about later. 

My response was:

“So much racism in such a small space.” 

After several back and forth’s with this woman’s husband, she jumped in and yes, you guessed it! She called me racist! The whole rubber/glue argument I talked about a few posts ago. However, her advice to me is what I found peculiar. So, today we are going to talk about the “We’re all part of the human race,” which is a racism-wrapped-in-a-smile sentiment. 

I often hear, “I don’t see color.” As soon as I hear it, I think “well what country are you living in and can I please come and visit?” How can you not see color when you live in a country where people of color are more likely to live in poverty, be food and housing insecure, have poorer health outcomes, lower educational attainment rates and higher unemployment rates than their white counterparts, but you don’t see color. How is that possible? Besides, how can you miss my big Black ass? 

It’s possible because the “I don’t see color” sentiment allows people to put blinders on and feel good about themselves. The flip side to the notion of Black people being too infantile to accurately describe and define their experiences is paternalistic protection. “You’re not experiencing racism, you’re living wrong. Let me help you live better.” (Read: live like me, so I can feel better.)

I kid you not this woman said to me: “ Why don’t you try living as a person instead of a person of color? I promise you, you will be happier.” So, you want me to join you and put blinders on when doing so could literally kill me or my children? How does that make sense to anyone? 

She followed up with: “See that’s the definition of a racist-one who finds racism in every aspect of their life. Enjoy your miserable existence. I’ll enjoy my happy life with my friends of the human race.” 

In one fell swoop, she determined that racism isn’t racism (race prejudice + power = racism), BUT TALKING ABOUT the racism you experience as a person of color IS RACISM. WTF?! 

In essence this woman is saying, “my discomfort with the topic of racism is more important than your experience with racism.” So, please to make me comfortable with myself and to continue my happy existence, please follow my advice and ignore your experiences, so that you can be a happier person. Leave your culture of music, food, religious service, education behind. You’ll be happier. Leave what makes you, you behind Be like me. That’s how we can be friends. 

Trust me, ignoring racism doesn’t make you happy. I think it hurts more when it affects you because you are blindsided by it when it does happen. It knocks the wind out of you. 

You don’t ask other people to leave their experiences behind to love them. If you don’t ask your White friends to leave their trauma behind to be friends, then don’t ask your non-white friends to do so. That adds to the trauma of racism. Love all of them the good, the bad and the ugly. Racism is ugly. If you are truly an ally, you will face racism with them, even if it is you who have hurt them. White people act like it’s worse to be called racist than to be racist. If you are white and you feel this way, I highly suggest you read White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo.

Needless to say, when I pressed the issue with specific examples and information, I was no longer able to see the responses. I was blocked. Oh well. I’m living my best life! I ain’t going back and forth with you….

#smallactsofracism

Act 10: Good news! We are a third of the way through the posts. If you’re tired of hearing it, imagine how tired we are of living it!

Every day, I discuss with at least one person my plans for the Small Acts of Racism post and every single day, my plans are changed because I come across something that seems more pressing. 

When my oldest child, Frank, was a baby, I started graduate school. The program I was in was very busy with incredible demands on my time. It was very hard being a single mother while trying to get to school observations in the morning and attend classes in the afternoon and evening. In order to help keep him busy, I did what many parents did at the time. I joined a video direct club that delivered VHS tapes once a month, so that while I was doing homework, he could watch cartoons. My only rule was I had to watch every video I bought at least once with him to determine if the content was appropriate. He liked watching the same video over and over again and while I was certainly never going to watch The Lion King 1000 times, I was going to watch it at least once. 

During one of our evening watch sessions upon the delivery of a new set up of tapes, we were watching a cartoon about two blackbirds that were moving to a new neighborhood of white or light colored birds. Since this was a Christian video company, I assumed the plot would revolve around the blackbirds moving in and the white birds welcoming them and celebrating the growth and diversity of their new neighborhood. 

Hahahahaaaa! That’s what I get for thinking. The next thing I heard once the blackbirds had completed their move was: “The neighborhood was nice until blackie moved in!” WHAT THE FUCK?! Did I hear what I just think I heard?  I rewound the tape a couple of times and listened to it again and again. Every single time produced the same result: “The neighborhood was nice until blackie moved in.” After verification, I popped the tape out and called the company. Some poor child, who probably only had a job as a telemarketer to make ends meet, caught a MOTHER’S WRATH. I canceled my membership and I am sure Frank was quite confused as to my reaction. 

Fast forward to yesterday, when I came upon the attached post from my friend’s page. The article below discusses a video available for viewing on a YouTube channel that shows a Whie princess losing her beauty. When she loses her beauty, she turns into a Black woman with curly hair. When her prince comes, she says, “I’m sorry I’m ugly now.” If that isn’t enough for you to say, “What the fuck is this racist shit?!” It gets better. The prince says, he loves her anyway and because he shows her he truly loves her, not her looks, she turns back into a White woman with golden blonde hair! The video is imbedded in the article for your viewing pleasure.

Furthermore, another friend tagged me in a post regarding deep dark Black rag dolls called “the feel better doll.” The doll is meant to be hit and slammed by a child who is upset all while screaming, “I FEEL GOOD, I FEEL GOOD.” 

I don’t feel like I should have to explain why this is racist, but in case you need additional explanation or clarification, it is related to yesterday’s post regarding how negative information about people of color is subtly entered into everyday consumption without people noticing. Racism bubbles beneath the surface largely going unseen and it is internalized. It then leads to things such as the policing of Black hair in the school setting, under the guise of teaching grooming habits; a billion dollar industry of Black women changing the texture of their hair in order to be accepted in workplace settings that see natural hair as unkempt and the list goes on. The Black doll example reinforces the notion that Black people are inhuman, unworthy of appropriate behavior and there to abuse. The example from my VHS club days presents the act of real estate discrimination and reinforces the notion of redlining, tipping and white flight in a nonthreatening manner. This type of information is seeped into everyday conversations and images and causes systemic racial discrimination. It has been at least 23 years since the VHS tape incident. Why are we still doing this?

This is a link for the article regarding the black doll and the article regarding the cartoon is below that. 

https://www.newsweek.com/racist-feel-better-doll-that-was-meant-abused-pulled-stores-after-complaints-1451487

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/youtube-channel-my-pingu-tv-racism-dina-and-prince-story-a9018021.html

This post was originally written on a Sunday, so just close your eyes and use your imagination!

#smallactsofracism

“When Europeans came to Africa, they had the Bibles and we had the land. They asked us to bow our heads and pray with them. When we looked up, they had the land and we had the Bibles.” ~Unknown

Act 9: Happy Sunday! Since many of my friends practice a religion and attend church on Sunday, I decided today’s post will be about Religious Iconography. Ooooh-ahhhh!

In so doing, I will tell two stories of experiences I have had, then ask you to think about some sneaky, insidious things you may have seen, heard or said in your everyday lives and where you may have learned them. 

Act 9, Scene 1: Setting: A hot and sweaty sixth grade classroom reading aloud in Social Studies. This is where I learned the following tidbit of information: European Kings and Queens began commissioning painters to paint portraits and create religious works of art in THEIR IMAGE. It was something that stuck with me and since becoming a school psychologist I have looked in many sixth grade Social Studies books to make sure I read what I read. It’s still there.

Fast forward to my early years as a School Psychologist. The first time I met Elizabeth (Beth) Gallo Carwick, I was a young fresh-faced employee at a predominantly Black Catholic elementary school  (yes you read that right) in the heart of Cincinnati where Beth taught. She was a young, White fresh-faced teacher. The first time I met her, I listened to her talk and she shared wonderful stories about her family. If you closed your eyes and listened to her talk, you would not immediately know her skin color. As soon as she left the main office, I asked, “Is she married to a Black man?!” The secretary responded, “Have you seen her kids?!” I had not; however, Beth and I became GREAT co-workers and EVEN BETTER friends. Our children got to know each other and we lived a pretty happy life as we often cared for our kids together. (I will write about this more in a future post.) However…

Act 9, Scene 2: One day, I walked into Beth’s classroom as I was wont to do, just to visit her kids and sing multiplication tables with my favorite student when I was greeted with this upon her wall: 

Red=Blood White=Pure Black=Sin

BLACK BABY JESUS, WHY?! There may have been other colors, but when I got to the word association of the color black with sin, I may have briefly lost consciousness. I was LIVID! Now, mind you, her very black husband told her I would be, but she went forward with the signage anyway. I have always just assumed, he didn’t want to take that argument on for the sake of the marriage.

Why is any thing I have written above racist? It involves the POWER element to first, change and control religious imagery and second, to associate religious imagery with something considered either good or bad. White being associated with goodness and purity and the color black being associated with sin and all things bad. 

Have you ever considered or thought about religious imagery BEFORE European Kings and Queens commissioned artists to make them look like Europeans? The oldest known painting of Jesus is of Coptic Christian origins and clearly is an image of a Black man. Google it. It hangs in an Egyptian museum. 

Do you ever think about the things you say? Complete these sayings: Well, if that’s not the kettle calling the pot —? 

The — sheep of the family? 

Snow — and the Seven Dwarfs who was a “fair maiden.”

If you were a Scandal fan, the — hat. 

Have you ever thought about how characters are shown in movies? The good guy is always in white or light colors while the bad guy is always dressed in black or dark colors. (Thank God for Black Panther. Rest in Power, Young King.)

This is why racism is not only systemic, meaning it permeates every aspect of American life, education, healthcare, criminal justice, etc. But, racism is also systematic, meaning it’s application is reserved for people of color. Do you think it was by accident that Religious Iconography was changed just as The Atlantic Slave trade was beginning? The Catholic Church and royal families across Europe made a mint, but how can you justify the enslavement of a group of people if you cannot first convince people that they are inherently bad and unworthy of humane treatment? You have to insidiously implant a notion slowly, but surely, so no one questions you. 

Have a good Sunday!

#smallactsofracism